Yesterday night, he called me. At first, he apologized saying that he was sorry for ignoring me. Well, he was not wrong cause I kinda feel like I am ignored but well I always get used to it. Being ignored. He said he is not in good mood recently and I asked why and told him he can always talk to me about it. He said its a long story and maybe after he told me about it I will never see him the way he is before. For me, to be able to talk to him even more than a second, I would be happy for it. He said, "I warned you :)" Next second, he called. I picked up and a long silence came from the other side for a few second. Then, he said he like this girl, from my dad's hometown, he met from the same app, she had health issues etc. They met up and he stayed over at her place, things went emotional and they 'spent' the night together. He said she has depression and always shut down and never talk to anyone for days, he didn't have the ability to reach her even though he eagerly wants to reach her. Then, he told that he accidentally met her ex. At the end he said, he fucked up, he reached a very fucked up point in life. I don't know what to do, tried so hard to comfort him and ending up saying a lot of unnecessary stuff and at a point I don't even know what I said lol...I even sing to him after he hung up and said he can always find me and talk to me.
In some point, I think he thinks that I do too much as a new friend for him, maybe he knew that I might have a little feeling to him. Till an extend I am quite annoying lol. But one thing I am so curious about, why that this moment he is still so active in the app?? The moment that he is so fucked up and so sad and depressing but WHY? Is it because he hopes that he can find new people, friend or even next romance to cure his wound? Then what am I? Just another person to help cure his heart?
I told myself that, I cannot fell deeper anymore, at least not this timing, the 'him' which suffers complication; a lot of complications. Now, I am could be the 'angel' that will always by his side when he needed comfort or I could just wait, and stay quiet and just wait, wait, wait or leave? I knew I may not leave but I must not fell anymore because it's too dangerous. TOO DANGEROUS.
Sometimes, I want to hug you like crazy - Summer Vacation.
For him.
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