This is ME.

I'm not the girl that I'm used to be,
Being the happiest girl everyone wants me to be,
with the cutest dimples everyone wish to have from me.

Depression and loneliness engulfed me,
Growing deep and deep inside of me,
Making me mad every night till I couldn't sleep.

Overthinking everyday, every night.
About love I never have,
Friendships that I wish to have,
And everything perhaps.

Born and exist as an ordinary girl in their life,
Never a girl they would look at twice.
Not that kind of girl they would ask for number,
Which they just think of me as a friend forever.

"Enjoy your single life" they said,
"I'm tired of it" I said.
They never know that I love myself too much,
that I ran out of love to love again.

Being good to everyone,
but do they even care?
I never share to anyone about it,
'Cause they never gonna understand it.

Step into hell was what I thought that night,
the night I would never forget in my life.
Sitting at the corner on a cold hard floor,
Cuddle myself and cry till no tears anymore.

It's hard to be alone,
It's hard to have no one,
She maybe sick but she had someone,
Someone that wants to be with her and care for her.

I'm tired of life,
Crying for help every night.
But no one wants to help me,
Not even God himself.

I've changed a lot,
I've changed into a person that I didn't even would recognized 5 years ago.
Depression is now my closest friend and foe,
It leads me to bad habits so I can find my new comfort zone.
Tattoos, smoking, swearing, and many more.

So tell me, anyone please tell me,
If there's anyone would ever help me
And love such a sad and depressing girl like ME....

"My pillow's a tissue for my tears."

I'll be lost inside my head, 

Bad thoughts till 4am,

Then I'll try to sleep. 

And I can't tell anyone,

Im so scared they'll get up and run.

So I don't speak.

And oh, I miss when we were younger,

The days were so much funner,

Weren't they?

Oh, I book a new appointment,

It's another disappointment.

They're all the same, same, same.

When the doctor says I'm fine,

One at morning, one at night.

These pills will help you remember how to smile,

But what does he know?

Because I feel so alone.

And mom and dad both tell me I'm alright.

'Cause the doctor said you're fine.

My own mind can lie to me,

They all say its anxiety.

But I just think its me.

Now I've lost so many years,

My pillow's a tissue for my tears.

But you, never see.

And now, I can't even eat my dinner, 

Mom says I'm getting thinner

Am I?

Oh, I book a new appointment,

Yet another disappointment.

They're all the same, same, same.

When the doctor says I'm fine, 

One at morning, one at night.

These pills will help you remember how to smile,

But what does he know?

Because I feel so alone.

And mom and dad both tell me I'm alright.

'Cause the doctor said you're fine.

But he don't care bout me,

He'll just go home to his family.

Why does no one see,

Im not the girl I wish that I could be.

'Cause the doctor says I'm fine,

One at morning, one at night.

These pills will help you remember how to smile,

But what does he know?

Because I feel so alone.

And mom and dad both tell me I'm alright.

'Cause the doctor said you're fine.

The Doctor Said - Chloe Adams

"Only loner can know how truly a loner feels." 

孤单是。。。

很普通的日子里，

没有温暖的问候，没有朋友的呼唤，没有多余的交谈。

只有唯一这个工作群组里固定地报告；

每中午12点，中午3点，下午6点和晚上10点的收入报告。

可怜的是，这样的信息却显然让我领悟，原来我还是存在。

这样的信息，已经成了习惯，我这些月来，生活的一部分。

然而，这个固定的信息，在明天结束之后，

就会消失了，手机又会更平静，更安静，

甚至可能不会收到任何信息。

一个唯一能够让我收到固定信息的管道，

都没有了。

是时候。。。放弃吧

时间越来越长，
心越来越淡。

渐渐地，我忘了；
那个喜欢一个人的热诚，
那个渴望爱的热心，
和，那个寻找恋爱的初心。

有些人，人缘好，多人追。
有些人，像一般，有人追。
一些人，不渴望，但有了，还是最棒的。

我这人，很尴尬，太一般。
主动了，被婉拒，被无视，
也不当我一回事。

In the year of 2018,
I had my first tattoo
And smoked my very first cigarette.
I'm starting to be a different person,
The person that I don't know anymore.

Cigarette, offonoff (ft. Tablo & Miso)