escaped depression again.

14.05.2019

Feeling heavy, slow and nothing.

It feels like an endless subway tunnel.
Lonely, shaking, out of breath, headache, choking, tired, sobbing.

Taking a puff of a cigarette at the window,
staring into space,
looking down to the end,
body felt light,
like i would end up down there any minute lying on a pool of blood.

Head spinning on the last puff,
hands shaking,
stepping away from the window,
so my body won't leave the edge,
and jump off from my room.

Crawled into a ball on bed,
grabbed tightly on the blanket,
hiding from coldness,
tearing up from the bottom of my heart.

Worst thoughts all came out,
haunting and screaming at me,
he would care for them more than you,
you don't matter at all.

"I need to survive,
at least for the night."
i stared at the chat,
screaming how much i needed him now inside,
doubtfully tapped on call button,
he finally answered,
i let it all out,
cried my heart and mind out like it is end of my life.